


The World

by anairim



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21919381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anairim/pseuds/anairim
Summary: On Kozume Kenma's wrist, where there should be a name, there's a big, ugly, black stain.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Yamamoto Taketora, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 134





	The World

The word soulmate leaves a bitter taster in your mouth when you say it; and even as you think it, it's heavy in your mind.

As heavy as Yamamoto's head on Kenma's shoulder, as heavy as Kuroo's back against Kenma's stomach.

The world — it is so cruel.

Here's what they teach you in primary school: your born with your soulmate's name on you wrist.

Easy, useful, safe.

Here's what actually happens: Kuroo Tetsurou is born with Kozume Kenma's name on his wrist. So is Yamamoto Taketora.

Here's what actually happens: on Kozume Kenma's wrist, where there should be a name, there's a big, ugly, black, stain.

When Kenma is just a child he doesn't think anything of it. Is he different from the other children? Maybe. Does he want a soulmate? Most certainly not.

He knows his parents must hate it, but they never let it show.

His mom always tells him, _One day it's gonna turn into a name, just wait and see._

And his dad always adds, _And if it doesn't, who needs a soulmate? Mom and dad are right here._

But then, everything changes — a mother, somewhere in Japan, dies; a grandmother, a father and a son move next door to the Kozumes.

When he learns that their new neighbors' name is Kozume, Kuroo is sure it must be some kind of prize — some kind of consolation sent by Fate after all the pain, so that, _Goodbye, mom_ , can also mean, _Nice to meet you, Kenma._

When they meet for the first time, Kuroo is too intimidated by Kenma's cool indifference, too scared by his silent judgement; too shy and too sad. He can't find it in him to tell him.

He keeps his wrist so carefully hidden.

A couple of months later, he starts noticing: Kenma is just as shy; maybe less sad, but just as scared and just as intimidated by him. He gathers all of his courage and says, shakily, "You're my soulmate."

In response, Kenma's face, that's always meticulously plain, becomes worried. He furrows his brows - he feels like he's being made fun of, but he doesn't understand how or why. He asks for proof, and Kuroo shows him his thin, pretty, _white_ arm and the words on it are clear: _Kozume Kenma_. Kenma doesn't say anything, just clenches his jaw and tugs his sweater safely over his own wrist.

He's so, so mad. His fury eats at him from the inside.

He _hates_ Kuroo Tetsurou — hates his normal soulmate mark, hates his ability to fall in love, hates his stubborn and quiet admiration for Kenma.

Kuroo never asks; he is always too coy and — when they inevitably become best friends — too considerate, too adoring, to ask anything about Kenma's soulmate.

And it isn't that Kenma wants to keep it a secret, it's just something he never brings up. He's learned to always keep his wrist hidden when he's started going to school. That's the one thing Kenma's good at: survival. If the bracelet he always wears on his right wrist could talk, that's the one thing it would say, in harmony with his quivering heart, _Survive, Kenma._

They both shut up when Kuroo kisses him, his heart and his wrist.

Kenma _knew_ it was coming — he wasn't _dumb_.

But sometimes, when Fate screws you up so bad, you try to convince yourself it screws up other people too. You try to convince yourself it's wrong. You try to convince yourself it doesn't actually exist.

Then Kuroo kisses him.

Every defense mechanism in Kenma's body activates itself and at the same time he starts growing unjustifiably mad — because _how dare he_ — but also — maybe — something else?

_Who gave you the right, Kuroo Tetsurou?_ But at the same time, _Is this what I can't have? Is it what I can't give him?_

And he recognizes it, the other feeling: it's sadness. And it's because of Kuroo's eyes, so hopeful, and Kuroo's hands, so tender, and his soft, soft voice saying, "Please, Kenma, tell me I'm—"

And Kenma can't stand it.

The madness, the sadness; explosive together.

He pushes Kuroo away from himself, pushes his bracelet away from his wrist, and doesn't even look into his wondering eyes when he turns from him and pushes his thoughts away from his mind, and pushes his body froward, and pushes the door to his house open, and pushes himself into his mother's arms.

"What's wrong?" she asks, her gentle hands on his back, on his neck.

"Mom," Kenma sobs. "I'm cursed, mom, I think I'll break Kuro's heart."

"Baby," she replies. "Fate didn't curse you. It gave you a choice."

"I hate choosing, then."

"One day," she said. "You're gonna think all of this was so stupid. One day — just wait and see."

Kenma does wait, but he doesn't really see.

Kuroo sometimes hugs him tighter than normal, and it feels right, and sometimes touches his hand in a way Kenma wouldn't — couldn't — let anyone else touch, and it feels dangerous and scary and _right_.

He never kisses him again, though, and Kenma knows he's waiting for him.

_Oh_ — to hold a boy's heart in your hands, and to know your hands were made for crushing it, and to want to treasure it anyway, keep it safe nonetheless. The _struggle_.

When Kenma starts high school everything changes again.

He becomes part of Kuroo's volleyball team, and he becomes friends with Yamamoto Taketora.

When Kenma introduces himself to Yamamoto, the latter starts laughing very loudly. "Your name is the same as my soulmate's."

"I stole it," Kenma replies sarcastically, because he knows there is no way he _isn't_ the _Kozume Kenma_ on Yamamoto's wrist, and everyone in the room who heard, including Kuroo, including _Yamamoto_ , knows it.

Kenma soon finds out he doesn't like Yamamoto Taketora at all. They fight all the time.

_If this is the choice Fate gave me_ , Kenma thinks all the time, _It should have just given me Kuro's name._

"Do you think I should get into a fight with him?" Kuroo asks him once. "A duel! Winner wins you."

He says, _You_ , smiling, cheeks pink from the cold, but for some reasons he sounds _so sad_.

Kenma says, "I don't think I can be won," because he doesn't feel like being mean to Yamamoto.

At some point, they stop being enemies and start being friends. It has nothing to do with their behavior towards each other and everything to do with the fact that Kenma has been thinking a lot about him: they are complete opposites but they are sort of _similar_ , too, in a twisted way.

It starts when Yamamoto cries on his shoulder for the first time.

It's after volleyball practice.

Kuroo's sick and Kenma is lonely and slow.

Everyone else is gone, but Yamamoto is sitting on the steps to the gym.

"Idiot," Kenma says casually, but his skin feels tight. "Practice is over."

"I don't want you as my soulmate," Yamamoto replies. Then he pats the step next to where he's seated.

Kenma sits. "Real nice. What do you want me to do?"

"Am I yours?" Then, Yamamoto shakes his head, as if he didn't mean to say it, but then betrays himself again. "Show me your wrist."

Kenma does. Inexplicably, Yamamoto begins to cry. "Good. I'm so glad."

"But you're crying."

"Because I'm glad." He puts his head on Kenma's shoulder, and grabs his wrist tight. "I'm in love with someone."

Kenma laughs very hard at that. He loves it when Fate is wrong. "Who is it?"

"Not telling you. You'll make fun of me."

"C'mon. Tell your best friend."

Then _Yamamoto_ laughs, a wet, gross, annoying, wonderful laugh. "Just the dreamiest girl in my math class."

"Sorry I can't be her," Kenma says; but he's so, so happy. He feels like there's a mirror in front of himself.

_Oh_! — to understand a friend wholly, to know his fight against Fate because you know your own. The _joy_.

Kenma finds out the truth the next year, when Kuroo is lying with his back on him.

They are quiet but restless.

Kenma puts a hand in Kuroo's hair.

"I'm so jealous," Kuroo says.

_Me too_ , Kenma thinks, but he knows Kuroo's talking about something else, so instead he just replies, "Huh?"

"I'm so jealous," Kuroo repeats. "Of Yamamoto. Of everyone."

"Dumbass," Kenma says. "You're my favorite person."

Kuroo sighs. "But I'm not your soulmate."

"Who said you're not? I get to choose. That's what my mark means."

"You don't know how it _feels_ —"

"I think I _know_ , asshole," he answers. And then he kisses Kuroo.

Here's what they teach you in primary school: you're born with your soulmate's name on your wrist.

Here's what actually happens: Yamamoto never believed in Fate anyways. And if Kuroo can't believe in soulmates, then he'll start believing in love, instead.

Here's what _actually_ happens: Fate is not a rule, not a boss. It's a friend, an accomplice. Kenma will be alright.

The world — it is so good.

**Author's Note:**

> (i’m mirianadalessandro on wattpad)


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